Late-Night Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's prominent hosts devoted the broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced visa program, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program which permits international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. The program's website guarantees approval "in record time."

"A quick thought here to wealthy immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to address affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.